The Carpenter Woodpecker

When goods are bought or work is done, a bill is to be made out and delivered. In some cases the bill may be made out before the work is done, and work charged in prospective ; and therefore the making out of bills is an art and mystery known only to the professional man or the tradesman. It comprehends the mystery of mystification, and impudence  and assurance  are its two first rules. The milkman is not only allowed by parliament to water his milk, but to cut a notch in his chalk and mark double . The baker thinks it legitimate, and part of his vested rights, to put in "dead uns;" the butcher to "hang on Jemmy;" but the birds noted for the longest bills are the carpenter woodpecker, (who undertakes to take you under) the gallipot crane, the red-tape snipe, and the heron. The bills of each of these bipeds are as long as from this to the paying of the National Debt, and as unfathomable as the Bay of Biscay—or the lowest pit of——


The Red-tape Snipe
The Heron

I Am Interested

Dear Sir, my faith in you is great,
Your honour long I've tested;
You are my customer, good Sir,
And I am interested .
To give you credit is my joy,
A joy sincerely breasted,
For twelve months, ay, for any date;
You see I'm interested .
And may you thrive, and in due time
Retire in comfort nested;
This is my fervent prayer, my friend,
For I am interested .
And may you have a plum or two,
In stock well sunk and vested,
To leave your worthy family—
I speak as interested .
What, "rather queer!" this fellow now
Must quickly be molested;
Write to him, Priggings, for you know
That I am interested .
Well, take his bill. Three months—no two;
Let it be well attested;
Now is the time to turn the screw,
For I am interested .
What, "no effects!" give him, no time,
But get the bill protested ;
Such rascals must be quickly met,
When we are interested .
No cash!—well, write to Sniggs at once,
And let him be arrested;
To Banco Regis let him go,
For I am interested .