### To Reduce Money Weights and Measures to Decimals

Take a tithe-owner, a collector, a proctor's warrant, and a constable, and go in a body to the house of a Quaker, or the mud hovel of an Irish Catholic. Enter the house by means of a crow-bar. Take pigs, poultry, pots, pans, sticks, or rattletraps. Obtain an appraiser, call in a broker, and *divide the spoil * by means of any number of vulgar fractions, called purchasers. Take the dividend, called plunder, and "pocket."

### To Bring Decimals to Their Proper Value in Whole Numbers

The proper value of a decimal is only to be ascertained by his *points * of character, and they are to be found of full value in many parts of the kingdom, in the shape of worthy curates, and honest rectors and vicars,*dividing * not their flocks, or the produce of their flocks, but their *own time *, *means *, and *money *, in the conscientious *discharge * of their clerical duties.

## Decimals

Decimal Fractions are so called because the fractions are always tenths. They differ from Vulgar Fractions in this, that the denominator is not written, but a *point * before it is used instead.

Decimals are best illustrated by tithes, which are general and universal tenths extracted in every part of "merry England." They are added, subtracted, multiplied, and divided like any other numbers, but to designate their value a *point * is prefixed.

In tithes, as in decimals, the denominator does not appear; that is to say, the incumbent rarely lives at his incumbency. When tithes are to be added, taken, or subtracted, the titho *decimo point * is used as his representative, namely, the POINT OF THE BAYONET.

To make a point of "doing good by stealth" is a national virtue; and among all other "points" in this uncertain world, the "point blank" is the most certain. This may be made with a *rifle *, when the pockets are to be *rifled *, either with or without a bayonet at the end of it. The *charge * for spiritual care is best settled by a *charge of dragoons *; and a *discharge * of clerical arrears by a *discharge of fire-arms *.[4]

[4]Whatever may be said of the mode of collecting tithes, nothing can be said against the "right of tithe." The clergy are the greatest sufferers, and no consummation is more devoutly to be wished than an equitable adjustment. As things are at present, the clergy do not get half their dues, and these are obtained in a manner well calculated to keep up the idea of a certain person shearing the hogs, "great cry and little wool."