A Decimal Figure


To Reduce Money Weights and Measures to Decimals

Take a tithe-owner, a collector, a proctor's warrant, and a constable, and go in a body to the house of a Quaker, or the mud hovel of an Irish Catholic. Enter the house by means of a crow-bar. Take pigs, poultry, pots, pans, sticks, or rattletraps. Obtain an appraiser, call in a broker, and divide the spoil  by means of any number of vulgar fractions, called purchasers. Take the dividend, called plunder, and "pocket."

To Bring Decimals to Their Proper Value in Whole Numbers

The proper value of a decimal is only to be ascertained by his points  of character, and they are to be found of full value in many parts of the kingdom, in the shape of worthy curates, and honest rectors and vicars,dividing  not their flocks, or the produce of their flocks, but their own time means , and money , in the conscientious discharge  of their clerical duties.


Decimal Fractions are so called because the fractions are always tenths. They differ from Vulgar Fractions in this, that the denominator is not written, but a point  before it is used instead.

A Strong Tithe


Decimals are best illustrated by tithes, which are general and universal tenths extracted in every part of "merry England." They are added, subtracted, multiplied, and divided like any other numbers, but to designate their value a point  is prefixed.

In tithes, as in decimals, the denominator does not appear; that is to say, the incumbent rarely lives at his incumbency. When tithes are to be added, taken, or subtracted, the titho decimo point  is used as his representative, namely, the POINT OF THE BAYONET.

The Point of the Bayonet

To make a point of "doing good by stealth" is a national virtue; and among all other "points" in this uncertain world, the "point blank" is the most certain. This may be made with a rifle , when the pockets are to be rifled , either with or without a bayonet at the end of it. The charge  for spiritual care is best settled by a charge of dragoons ; and a discharge  of clerical arrears by a discharge of fire-arms .[4]

[4]Whatever may be said of the mode of collecting tithes, nothing can be said against the "right of tithe." The clergy are the greatest sufferers, and no consummation is more devoutly to be wished than an equitable adjustment. As things are at present, the clergy do not get half their dues, and these are obtained in a manner well calculated to keep up the idea of a certain person shearing the hogs, "great cry and little wool."