Parliament

Parliamentary Evolution

Rule 1.Make up your mind to "go the whole hog" with your party.
2.Flatter, gammon, and gloze all parties.
3.Humbug your opponents, and cheat your supporters.
4.Make love to every prevailing vagary of the day, and coquet with Mother Church, and her fantastical daughter, Miss Dissent.
5.Promise every thing, perform nothing, and be the last year of your parliamentary term a contradiction of the six preceding years, so as to ensure another return.

How to Get Into Parliament

Supposing yourself to be a green yokel, just raw from school, with little wit, little money, and little influence, act as follows:—

1. Marry for the sake of respectability and a little more money.

2. Give away soup to the poor, flannel petticoats, trusses, and baby linen.

3. Set up schools on the free system, "every boy his own archbishop:" Free-trade in religion, and no walloping.

4. Get into a squabble with your Rector, about free grace and non-election.

5. Write once a week in the dissenters' "slop pail," against clerical intolerance, tithe pigs, "red noses," round paunches, lawn sleeves.

6. Attend the jawy jobations of Exeter hall, as a "flowery speaker," and advocate various Jew, Gipsy, Voluntary Church, Anti-pseudo-baptistical Societies, till you are black in the face.

7. Join the Society for the Diffusion of Useless Knowledge, the Donkey Protecting Society, and other congenial "Institutes."

8. Build a chapel, and bribe a congregation to come to it. Become a teetotaller; be a betwixt and betweenish, half-and-half, out-and-out radical. Defeat the imposition of a Church rate—rave against the taxes—pledge yourself to support triangular parliaments, universal suffering—blindfold voting—and confusion to all order.

And thus get in, get in,
By clamour, bawl, and shout;
To tax 'em then begin;
Oh then get out, get out.
Get in, get in, get in,
Give place to sneak and lout,
And don't forget your kin;
Oh then get out, get out.
Get in, get in, get in,
Get jolly fat and stout,
And grind the people thin;
Oh then get out, get out.
Get in, get in, get in,
And turn and twist about,
Until some precious shin
Dy —says, "Get out, get out."